Childhood Poem (2010)

Mommy and me

Only Mommy and me
and sometimes grandparents
strolling along neighborhood sidewalks
or diving into the brisk bay
never anyone with Mommy
only me
and her
just the two of us in that spacious apartment
just the two of us to keep each other company
Mommy worked hard
and never was there not enough
we were happy
at least, I was
even without a daddy or husband
we could make it
even though he lived in another state
with different children
who I would never know
we were happy without him around
even though he never called
we had a family who loved us
unconditionally
even though people gave Mommy
disdainful, painful glances
she was strong
and I didn't notice the absence
because even though he wasn't there to love me
I knew Mommy would always be there
and even though I never knew him
I'm happy without him
people pity the little girl without her daddy
but this little girl knows
that it was better
without him.

On Writing

To write is to let your heart, all the feelings and emotions pent up inside, seep into the pen at your fingertips and bleed onto a blank canvas. A torrent of feelings, experiences, the past, the future, memories, dreams, aspirations- all flooding lines and margins to create a page of you. Your heart, laid upon a sheet of paper, exposed to the elements of criticism and interpretation, praise and opinion.

Writing is a burden. A demon, hovering on your shoulder, whispering thoughts and ideas into existence, an inception of inspiration, weighing you down, stirring up long-suppressed emotion, lingering on a single fragment of feeling until it swells to an unbearable magnitude, then- release. Pen scratching on parchment, anger and sadness and joy and contentment, striking the lines like bolts of lightning, relieving you of your affliction and scattering it into letters, sentences, chapters- until it is bearable.

When you allow yourself to write, to let loose the words, phrases, and tales swirling in your mind, you lose a bit of yourself to the pen. Letting a paper absorb your anxiety and bliss and memories is like allowing yourself to be opened up and examined- an autopsy of your thought processes. The allowance of such a process can be spontaneous or drawn out- to open up your mind can take any length of time. The art of dissecting your thoughts, molding them into coherent concepts, and eventually fashioning an actual piece to be read by others, is an art free from the chains of time- an hourglass with no set time span.

Whether writing is a battle to be conquered and overcome or a consolation and escape from reality, to write is to capture imagination on simple, lined paper, and expose it for the world to view and perceive.

Thoughts on: Trust.

I've learned that trust is a valuable, extraordinarily fragile thing. It can be broken with just one word, and takes years to gain back. Trust can be as dangerous as any gun, and as beautiful as the most vibrant sunset. It is rare, though, in its purest form. True trust can only be found in Christ, who will never leave nor forsake His children, no matter what they go through, or say to Him in anger, or how they change over the years. His Word is true, and His Love is pure- how can we not trust Him with our entire being? He will never break a heart or lie about anything, will never gossip or break a promise. He is the only One who we can ever trust- so why do we risk being betrayed by other humans? Why do we give them our trust and pour out our hearts, with no guarantee of them returning the favor or protecting our secrets? We search for another person who we can trust completely, with every single thing in our lives, every trial and error, every triumph and every heartbreak. But more times than not, trusting someone results in that same heartbreak that you may have shared with them. It is inevitable that we will let each other down, but must it be so frequent and so painful when we do? How do we keep trust in someone, despite their guaranteed betrayal?
From what I have seen, we cannot.
My own experience has shown that we must place all of our trust in Him and Him alone, guarding our hearts and our desires and our pain, so that we may be kept whole in His grace. Once we find that person who we believe we can trust, we must go to Him in prayer, to be certain that we will not be let down again, and that if we are, we will not be so devastated by the consequences of our misplaced trust.
Perhaps I am wrong, or mistaken in my views of trust. But this is the way I see it, and because of these experiences and lessons learned, I will place my trust in Him alone.

In you, Lord my God,

I put my trust.

I trust in you;

do not let me be put to shame,

nor let my enemies triumph over me.

No one who hopes in you

will ever be put to shame,

but shame will come to those

who are treacherous without cause.

Psalm 25:1-3

And that's what I think.

Essay turned contemplation.

Written for English II Honors...

J'aime ma Bible (I like my Bible)

With a value that cannot be measured in numbers, words, or by any other means, my Bible is my most prized possession. My Bible has been a constant source of companionship, wisdom, and promises for years. Over the course of its history, it has taught, comforted, rebuked and connected many experiences and people, helping me to steadily grow in my faith.

The life of my Bible began eight years ago, when it was purchased from a local Christian book store. A gift from my parents, it was presented to me with my name engraved in the bottom right corner. Since then, it has traveled all over the country, from Key West to Anchorage, Alaska. Its worn pages have been thumbed through on mission trips to South Tampa and Georgia, endlessly revealing new facets of faith and love. Beginning in grade school and continuing through my high school years, Sunday school and academic teachers alike have taught me to understand and apply the messages and models found throughout the gold-trimmed pages. Every day, my Bible's pages are turned, highlighted, and filled with post-it notes to mark new lessons and experiences. A constant companion, my Bible has helped me, and others, teach the Word to those around us.

As the years have gone on, my Bible has come to mean more and more. Through many trials and many cheers, my Bible has remained a symbol of my ever-strengthening faith. Its passages and promises have given root to tremendous spiritual growth and freshly revealed knowledge. From personal experience, discovery, and achievement, the pages of my Bible have been filled with notes, dates, and reminders of hardships overcome. Its thin, fingerprinted pages and colorfully tabbed paragraphs have always been a steadfast source of comfort and encouragement, from the lowest points in life to the most joyous. Most of all, throughout the eight years I have owned my Bible, it has shown me the many magnificent ways that I am loved, deeply and unconditionally, and has continually reassured me of this fact.

Without the companionship, wisdom, and promises found in my Bible, my faith would not be at the point it is now, and I would not be the person I am today. The immeasurable worth found in my Bible can never be matched or exceeded by another object. My Bible will forever and always remain my most prized possession, and be a firm foundation for my faith.

Sacrifice

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship.

Romans 12:1

What is a sacrifice?

Why do we sacrifice?

What does a sacrifice mean?

The dictionary definition of a sacrifice is to endure the loss of something; or to lose or surrender something as a penalty for a mistake or fault or failure to perform, etc. But for me, sacrifice has a deeper meaning. A sacrifice is something given up in order to strengthen and deepen my faith and love for my Saviour. For others, sacrifice means simply pain or discomfort; for others still, it is punishment or loss.

A sacrifice can be small or large, insignificant or life-changing. Something as small as giving up a social network for a period of time can seem as drastic as giving up a home or car for some people. Still others think nothing of losing the comforts that we, as Americans, deem necessary: air conditioning, cars, beds, indoor plumbing- all is given up to serve the Father. These are the men and women who reach people for Christ, because of their willingness to step outside their comfort zone, whether in minute or enormous ways, and place themselves, without hesitation or complaint, in the midst of poverty and danger.

When we fall into the arms of Christ and begin to experience and better understand His incredible love, we begin to see the magnitude of the sacrifice He made for us. The One and Only, Sinless, Perfect Lamb laid down His life for us- sinful, dirty, stained sinners who have rejected and denied Him in every way we know how. When we grasp the amazing love displayed for us, we can begin to see how little the comforts of our daily lives matter. In Matthew 8:20, Jesus says that "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." Even while He was preaching and living among us, Christ was sacrificing for us, giving up the basic need of a home to reach His children and show us His love! When we learn to truly appreciate this and are adequately thankful to Him, no price seems too high to pay for our Saviour. We must be sold out for Christ, and must understand that He deserves our entire life for what He did for us. He paid the ultimate price, because of His overwhelming love for us. This is why we sacrifice.

A sacrifice is a symbol of our love for our Lord. When we sacrifice things in our lives for Him, we are given the opportunity to give Him the extra time, money or resources that we gain from what we have given up.We are given the chance to grow closer and become better acquainted with the God of the Universe- an intimate relationship with our Creator, who loves us, His masterpieces, more dearly than we could ever imagine. He is jealous for our attention! Why don't we take our focus off of petty, worldly objects that will fade away like brief breaths, and turn our eyes and hearts and minds to the Father, who gave us life?

"Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise- the fruit of lips that confess His name."

Hebrews 13:15

Where you go, I will go...

Ruth 1:16

"...Where you go I will go, where you stay I will stay..."

Should we not have this same attitude towards our Father? If Ruth, a young widow, could have this sort of devotion toward her mother-in-law, then surely we can have the same, if not a stronger dedication of our lives to our Creator. He gave us life, and showers us in His grace and mercy every single day, because of how much He loves us. And what do we do in return? We sin against Him: disobeying our parents, lying, cheating, lusting, boasting. Our lives are filled with the stench of sin, which leads to eternal death. But He has offered us salvation- eternal life through His only, perfect Son, who came and died for us, before we were even concieved, so that we may someday live in Heaven with Him.

How, then, can we, sinful, dirty rags, possibly repay Him for such an incredible gift? Micah 6:8 sums it up quite well:

"And what does the Lord require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God."

This is a powerful and extremely difficult command to keep. How can we even begin to keep it?

"Do not love the world or anything in the world..."

1 John 2:15

This is certainly a place to start. If we disregard the pleasures of the world (sinful cravings, lust, boasting, etc.) then our minds will be ever more filled with thoughts of our Savior and His Word, His plans, His thoughts. And if our minds are filled with Him, then we will surely be more apt to keep His commands and to honor Him with our lives. "If you love me, you will obey what I command..." John 14:15

"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:17

Prayer is a strong companion when you are striving to follow Him. We must be in a constant state of prayer, always worshipping and praising our Father for the many blessings He gives to us daily. Keeping our thoughts on Him will brighten our days and help keep our minds on what is right, therefore helping us to control our thoughts and what we say or do. In this way, we can exemplify Him through our lives and be witnesses in everything we do.

"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father."

John 14:12

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

Slaves to Righteousness.

Romans 6:18- "You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness."

As I prepare to be baptized, I think about the awesome truth found in this verse. The preceeding verses say that we were "slaves to sin, which leads to death." Why would we want to continue to be bound to and serve such evil? If the master you are serving leads to eternal death, why would you continue to serve him?
But, as we were once slaves to that sin -our own transgressions- we have the opportunity to be set free in the Father's mercy! He sent His own son, Jesus Christ, to take on our sin and death and conquer it in the name of the Lord, thus giving us the gift of eternal life through Him. How can we not accept this incredible gift? When we do, we are filled with the Holy Spirit, and are now slaves to righteousness. Just as we were bound by sin, we are now bound by righteousness. We hardly have a choice in the matter- we serve an Almighty God who pours His blessings, mercy, and grace all over us- a flood of His love- so we must praise His name! Therefore we must serve Him, and be consecrated for His glory.
If He has brought us into the refuge of His love, how can we do anything but bring glory to Him?